Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Top 50 Charles Barkley Quotes

There is no athlete or TV personality quite like Chuck.  Never one to shy away from what is on his mind here are Charles Barkley's  top 50 quotes of all time.

Let's keep this list going so I strongly encourage people to add to the comments. Thank you. 

50. "I can be bought. If they paid me enough, I'd work for the Klan."

49. "You got to believe in yourself. Hell, I believe I'm the best-looking guy in the world and I might be right."

48. "I don't hate anyone, at least not for more than 48 minutes, barring overtime."

47. "We better not be doing the Bulls this year. Man, they suck! Bunch of high school kids with $70 million contracts. Damn! I hate my mother for having me too soon."

46. "You can talk without saying a thing. I don't ever want to be that type of person."

45. After retiring from basketball "I'm just what America needs - another unemployed black man.

44. Ernie: "Did they recognize you in South Dakota?"
Charles: "Yes, they did. It was easy because I was the only black person there. When they see me walking down the street they say 'There he goes again'. And when I come back the next year they say 'He's back yawl!'"

43. Right after Peja won the 3-point contest: "Kenny said it was going to be an all-international night. I want to know which international brother is going to win the slam dunk contest."

42. On the Enron scandal investigation: "Almost all those politicians took money from Enron, and there they are holding hearings. That's like O.J. Simpson getting in the Rae Carruth jury pool."

41. "I had to explain to my daughter why that skank Monica Lewinski has an hour special on HBO this weekend."

40. Ernie: "Auburn is a pretty good school. To graduate from there I suppose you really need to work hard and put forth maximum effort."
Charles: "20 pts and 10 rebounds will get you through also!"

39. "Every time I think about changing a diaper, I run a little bit harder and a little bit faster to make sure I can afford a nanny until my daughter's old enough to take care of that herself."

38. EJ: "Did you graduate from Auburn?"
Charles: "No, but I have a couple people working for me who did."

37. "Dick Bavetta and Moses parted the Red Sea together."

36. Ernie Johnson, on Reggie Evans being caught grabbing the rocks of Chris Kaman: "(Reggie Evans) got caught with his hand in the cookie jar."Charles Barkley: "Ernie, I don't know where you get your cookies at but the rest of us don't get ours there."

35. On his 17-year old daughter not dating yet: "Thank goodness. I just hope she doesn't start before I go in the Hall of Fame. That way, I won't have to kill anybody before I get inducted."

34. Kenny: "There's guys who go over to Europe and play overseas from America, and they dominate!"
Charles: "Those are called 'brothers'

33. After Wang has a shot blocked: "He's got to bring something stronger than that. That's like bringing milk to a bar, it's not strong enough"

32. Barkley on Turner Sports office having a betting pool on his weight: "That is starting to hurt my feelings. I don't mind skinny people making fun of me, we all do that, but I don't want fat people making fun of me."

31. "We are in the business of kicking butt and business is very, very good."

30. When the Dream Team was about to play the Angola national team, during pre-game interviews the other USA players provided diplomatic, face saving comments about how they would play hard and felt strongly they would win. When Chuck was asked about Angola and the game, he replied: "They're in a lot of trouble."

29. Charles Barkley on his thoughts about retiring before the season: "I remember sitting down with the Rockets and saying, 'Yeah. I'm going to retire.' They said, 'Well, we'll give you $9 million.' And I said, 'You got a pen on you?'"

28. Man, everything gets blamed on the Clintons, every single thing in this world. I think Bill Clinton shot JFK, too.

27. "I know why his name is DMX. Because his real name is Earl. Imagine if his name was Earl the rapper."

26. "If you go out with a girl and they say she has a great personality, she's ugly. If they tell you a guy works hard, he can't play a lick. Same thing."

25. After Kevin Garnett threw a ball into the crowd out of frustration and was ejected. They showed footage of the man that got hit by the ball being taken away in a stretcher and his daughter was crying. Charles commented that players take passes to the face all the time. He topped it off by saying: "You know why that little girl's crying? It's because she's thinking 'my daddy's a wussy'".

24. Barkley on Ernie Johnson and Kenny Smith eating a box of hot Krispy Kreme donuts in front of him: “Both of y’all are2 going to hell for that. Y’all are going to hell with a first-class ticket. Is that how you treat your partner? Krispy Kreme might be the greatest invention in the history of civilization when they’re hot. Y’all are cruel man.”

23. "It's kinda great to see the Celtics doin well again cuz that was so much fun in my day to go to the Boston Garden and they spit at you and throw things at you and talk about your mom. It sounds like dinner at Kenny Smith's house."

22. "I think that the team that wins game five will win the series. Unless we lose game five."

21. Charles Barkley after seeing a picture of Sam Cassell on the screen: "Phone home." And later he remarks to Kenny, "Sam Cassell is a good guy, but he's not going to wind up on the cover of GQ anytime soon."

20. While watching someone in Australia put $1 million worth of rubies on a table: "Damn, must not be any black folks in Australia. You can't just leave $1 million worth of jewelry lying around the 'hood."

19. Asked if he had ever been in the governor's office in Montgomery, Barkley said no. "They don't let many black people in the governor's mansion in Alabama," he said, "unless they're cleaning."

18. On the goal of the '92 Olympic Dream Team when playing Panama in the Tournament of the Americas: "To get the Canal back."

17. To Kenny: "Hakeem couldn't kick your ass cuz you were too close, kissin his!"

16. Barkley on Hanno Mottola, who, as EJ remarked "is the first NBA player from Finland". Charles replies: "Of course he is the first NBA player from Finland, he's the only person in Finland."

15. On supersized Oliver Miller: "You can't even jump high enough to touch the rim, unless they put a Big Mac on it."

14. "All I know is, as long as I led the Southeastern Conference in scoring, my grades would be fine."

13. On North Carolina missing 22 of its last 23 shots in losing to Georgetown in the NCAA tournament last weekend: "Stevie Wonder could make one of 23 shots."

12. I'd never buy my girl a watch... she's already got a clock over the stove.

11. "I always laugh when people ask me about rebounding techniques. I've got a technique. It's called just go get the damn ball."

10. On the Portland Trail Blazers (back when they were known as the Jail Blazers) serving Thanksgiving meals: "In between arrests they do community service."

9. "Yeah Ernie, its called defense, I mean I wouldn't know anything about it personally but I've heard about it through the grapevine.

8. "Well, when I went off to college, the guys I used to hang with were pumping gas and voting Democrat. Today they're still pumping gas and voting Democrat. Guess the Democrats didn't do much for them."

7. "When I was recruited at Auburn [university], they took me to a strip joint. When I saw those titties on Buffy, I knew that Auburn met my academic requirements."

6. "Hey Stanley, you could be a great player if you learned just two words: I'm full."— Barkley yelling to 300-plus-pound Houston Rockets teammate Stanley Roberts

5. "I heard Tonya Harding is calling herself the Charles Barkley of figure skating. I was going to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized I have no character."

4. On the All-Star Game: "Hell, there ain't but 15 black millionaires in the whole country & half of 'em are right here in this room."

3. On Jerry Krause still being able to keep his job as GM of the Chicago Bulls: "Jerry Krause must have pictures of his boss's wife having sex with a monkey."

2. After throwing a guy through a 1st floor window in a bar Charles was in front of the judge.
Judge: "Your sanctions are community service and a fine, do you have any regrets?"
Charles: "Yeah I regret we weren't on a higher floor"

1. After an Olympic Dream Team victory over Angola, in which they won 116-48, Charles got into a physical altercation with a member of Angola towards the end of the game, afterwards he says.

"Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he hasn't eaten in a couple weeks. I thought he was going to pull a spear on me."


Anonymous said...

You forgot another good one.

“These are my new shoes. They're good shoes. They won't make you rich like me, they won't make you rebound like me, they definitely won't make you handsome like me. They'll only make you have shoes like me. That's it.”

Anonymous said...

Here's one that he said about Dwight Howard during the 2007 NBA season. It was during a halftime highlight.

"If I had a body like Dwight Howard, I'd go around the country just beatin' the hell outta' people."

Anonymous said...

Please, please, please let there be more Barkley quotes for us.

Anonymous said...

Toronto lost the 2008 Olympics because its then mayor made a very similar comment to #1. He wasn't Charles Barkley though so it wasn't as funny.

Anonymous said...

Best one ever: Barkley to AC Green, during a game: "AC, if God's so great, how come he didn't give you a better jump shot?"

Anonymous said...

During a Suns game at halftime:

"Whoever think Steve Nash not MVP last year.... shut the hell up!"

Anonymous said...

How about when asked about his political platform if elected Governor of Alabama: "Have you heared of death row? Well, if I'm elected Governor, we'll have death WEEK. I'll kill all of those lazy bastards."

Anonymous said...

two of them during the all star game 2010. "Reggie Miller's ears look so damn big in High Definition"

after nate robinson eats a gatorade bar, "You ever notice Gatorade dont ever work on people that suck"

Anonymous said...

"Have you ever noticed that Gatorade doesn't work on players that suck?"

Anonymous said...

It is very nice post.very nice information this will help me."If you start judging people you will be having no time to love them".you can see more quotes great quotes

Doug Hart said...

Thanks for those classics! I had heard a few on TV but never found this "ultimate collection" of Sir Charles quotes...awesome!

Best Quotes

Anonymous said...

Former 76er GM Pat Williams to his children: "You can't go swimming now. Charles is using the lake."

Anonymous said...

when commenting on Kenny calling in sick: "I don't understand how you can call in sick, with a yeast infection."

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Anonymous said...

"I don't like people, people are stupid"
"Just because I can dunk a basketball doesn't mean I shud raise your kids"

Sir Charles

Anonymous said...

"I'm too sexy to be fat"

Txladee said...

Charles,you are not looking too slim yourself these day so stop talking about the people in San Antonio.You know what I am talking about.Have you seen our beautiful river here!Wherever there is a human being there is an opportunity
for kindness!You're not all that!

Anonymous said...

After commentaries on a specific player's salary not being justified by his game play, to Kenny and EJ, "I would come to the arena in a spaceship!" Kenny and EJ both look at each other and then to Chuck "What?!" Chuck then says, "All these fools getting millions for these sorry numbers?! If I was playing today, I'd be getting billions! Enough to drive a space ship, I tell you that!"

Sam said...

Very well constructed. I particularly love this quote of Barkley:

You got to believe in yourself. Hell, I believe I'm the best-looking guy in the world and I might be right.

Funny, as well as inspiring.

Unknown said...

Barkley went to Auburn (which is in Alabama); when asked if he'd root for the University of Alabama(which Auburn hates)to beat the University of Georgia, he said...."If Alabama's playing Afghanistan I'm rooting for Afghanistan."

Anonymous said...

"he's got a good point.. he just wrong!"

Life Quotes said...

Best life quotes

Anonymous said...

At the end of the Sir Charles video, "People are saying I'm trying to be this or that, hey, where I come from if someone asks you a question you tell them the truth. And if I had it to do over again, maybe I would've just said what they want me to say. But I'm proud of myself because I didn't because you should be able to be honest. That's it, simple."

Anonymous said...

I'll take any shot, anytime, anywhere. Somebody's got to be the hero, might as well be me

Anonymous said...

I played against a lot of tall players in my career, Shaquille O Neal is the only player I said, man thats a big SOB right there.

Unknown said...

Awww this is great, i love your selection of quotes. I was looking and collecting some of the best quotes ever about life and motivation and I think I found some here. Thanks!

Regina xxxx

Expatriate Tax Services said...

I enjoy his wit.

Play Dora Games said...

This is a useful guide. However, I wish you had started with infant gifts. I have had a terrible time buying items for my granddaughter that aren’t a) pink and/or b) ridiculous. And please don’t get me started on why every single piece of boy’s clothing seems to have a sports-related design. Why on earth are baby toys gender-specific?

Anonymous said...

great one a few nights ago: "You know Ernie, most people think they married to playboy bunnnies. But they just married to rabbits."

Unknown said...

One time, after a player tossed a particularly egregious brick, Charles says:
Ernie, that shot was like your prom date
Ernie: How's that Charles?
Charles: Ugly!

Unknown said...

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Anonymous said...

basketball isn't a real sport, its an outlet for frustrated tall nerds to fit in- especially in Europe.

Unknown said...

Some times I don't know about Charles Barkley he talks stupid the shit he say's don't make sense, do you real think black people don't know how to apply them self,you think black folks can't speak correctly, or they are stupid because they think some one is going to shun them because they are smart where did you grow up, there were a lot of smart kids in school when I went to school Maybe you feel like that because you come from the dirty south were they would not let you all learn how to read or write back in the days DAH

Anonymous said...

I think he is not only smart, funny, and handsome, but refreshing with his no holds barred on speaking his mind, would love to meet him!!

Unknown said...

Charles all of a sudden become the mouth pieces of what ail the Black Community. If you look at Charles quotes they all pertain to Black People, and he would never say anything that ails the WHITE COMMUNITY cause MASTER has him checked in place. White people is loving his quotes now, but when he was in PHILLY and SPIT on that White Kid they turned against him like the pack of wolves that they are.....Charles has been UNCLE TOMMING every since.

Anonymous said...

my favorite... talking of the new fresh out of High School NBA players and their level of athleticism... they run like deer, jump like deer, think like deer...

Anonymous said...

And DRobb, you just proved his point...

Anonymous said...

My favorite did not make the top 50.........
Upon hearing Michael Vick's prison sentence;
Charles said:
"I bet OJ's glad he didn't kill a dog"

Anonymous said...

two of my favorites:

1: when his coach at Auburn told him he needed to get in shape, he said "round is a shape".

2: he said, "they say the camera puts 10 pounds on you, well i've got about 6 cameras on me right now".

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Dolley said...

a few years ago Scottie Pippen (I think it was him) had an incident of some sort where he had to spend a night in jail. Barkley's comment was it's no big deal, "Everybody goes to jail". To which one ESPN anchor said to the other, "I don't go to jail, do you go to jail?"

Unknown said...

Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.Mother Teresa

rymd said...

what a lovely collection of inspirational quotes. highly recommended!

See also: Quotes About Love and happiness

shakim allah said...


Anonymous said...

You, evidently, is as stupid, ignorant and not funny as Charles Barkley. If he had never played basketball he would be serving fast food somewhere. For him, going to college was a waste of time and money, he didn't learn anything. I believe that other people did his college work for him so he could play basketball. The media asks him questions just to hear his dumb answer to laugh at and add to their college, especially comments about African-Americans.

Anonymous said...

You left one out... "That's terrible"

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Big M said...

Don't remember the year, but during his career Barkley was asked by a reporter, "What kind of message are you trying to send with your physical play in the paint?" Barkley said, "Don't come in here."

hvac sandiego said...

Do you think the AC universe can infinitely expand with the quote "Nothing is true everything is permitted"?

ac quote

Anonymous said...

Talking about a basketball arena - "have you noticed that the further up you go in the seating the uglier the people get?" - Surprised this gem wasn't included

pharma franchise said...

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Anonymous said...

Charles Barkley: "I am not a role model. I’m not paid to be a role model. I’m paid to wreak havoc on the basketball court. Parents should be role models. Just because I dunk a basketball, doesn’t mean I should raise your kids."

Karl Malone: "Charles, you can deny being a role model all you want, but I don't think it's your decision to make. We don't choose to be role models, we are chosen. Our only choice is whether to be a good role model or a bad one."

Sell My House Fast Dallas TX | We Buy Houses DFW said...

Very nice quotes i liked .

Sally said...

No recent quotes? Geez, these are ancient.

Anonymous said...

Charles is ignorant! He is the modern day white man's coon...promoted by ignorant and racist white men who know the effect of this self-grandising baboon.
I use to be a fan of this ass-hole until I started paying attention to his rants. His vocal cords need to be snatched out of his neck! He is furtherproof that there is no God with any concern for black lives.

Remember barkley saying he would work for the KKK if the paid him enough? Really! The organization of racist whites that have hung and burned black people for centuries? Really Charles? Do you think about the things you say and their implications?

What is severely pitiful is he thinks he is clever and that people listen to him. Whites could not find another famous black and pay him enough to say the things he does.

In the final analysis...fuck chuck the idiot!

Unknown said...

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Unknown said...

Sir Charles commented on players with athleticism: Man, they can run and jump like deer, but the last time I looked, there wasn't any deer playing in the NBA.

Great Sayings said...

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John Dupree said...

On considering a run for the governorship of Alabama: "How much harm can I do? We're 48th in everything, and Arkansas and Mississippi ain't goin' nowhere."

Unknown said...

Charles: I was going to sue for defamation of character, but then I realized I didn't have any.

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